Stop the Abuse

The voices of my ex step-dad are still tattooed in my memory. So much anger this man had. Only a few times was I physically abused. The pain of his fist went away, but the pain of his words. Those I’m still recovering from after all these years.

As a victim of child abuse this essay will let you into the mind of my past and how I dealt and currently dealing with the long term effects of child mental abuse.

I want to start of with saying that NO child deserves ANY type of abuse under any circumstance. I’ve been there and lived it. It fucks your mind up. My abuse was not to the highest degree but abuse is abuse there is no in between. There is a difference between punishing your child and knocking them around. Spanking your child is different than punching your child!

My step dad was a very angry man. I think it started when his mother died. He became this man that people didn’t want to be around. He would get mad for the littlest things. If he spilled his coke on the counter or something stupid it was like everything was a big deal. Worst of all he would take it out on us. The whole family would get bitched at for nothing. He was punching holes in walls and scaring the shit out of everyone. Who was this man? Once a loving, funny person and all of a sudden became possessed with anger and hate. Things only got worse when my mother devorced him.

I would still go with my step dad on the weekends and when ever I could after the devorce happened. He was drinking a lot but tried to keep it a secret. He wasn’t very good at hiding it though. One day I saw him drinking a coke and I had asked him if I could have a drink. He told me to get my own from the refrigerator. I told him that I didn’t want a whole can just a drink. He replied, “What did I just tell you get your own!”. In my mind I was like “Jerk I just want a god dam drink!’ I just kept that thought to myself though.

When my dad turned around to answer the phone I quickly without him seeing grabbed his coke and took a big gulp. I almost threw up! My throat was on fire! What the fuck is this? I never tasted coke like this before. I then soon realized he had poured Crown Royal in the coke. Oooooh that’s why you wanted me to get my own coke. My bad.

Now that my step dad was drinking all the time and he knew I knew he was drinking. He was always at the bar now. I was home alone all the time now. The F word became his weapon of choice and he knew how to use it. He once told me " you remind me of your mother and I hate your mother!' Those words shot me at point blank. I could not stop crying for hours. Why do I deserve to be treated like this? There were many more times he put me down and made me cry but for some reason I just cant write them down. They are locked inside my head and thats were they will stay. Im not a person who expresses themselves and my feelings. I am very good at hiding them. Everyday it was get drunk then tell Gabe off and make him cry. No one knew the verbal abuse I was going through. When I was around other people I was different. You could not tell when I had been crying. It was like it never happened. I never told anyone because I was afraid he would hit me. The few times he did hit me were the scariest moments of my life. Not that pain hurt because it did but the face he made when he was coming at me. That made me hurt. It was like he was full of evil and hate and he unleashed it on me with this look. If looks could kill. Well then I would have dropped dead along time ago and would not be writing this.


Those were the worst years of my life, but for some reason the best. I don't know if that makes sense but it does. I lost so much but also gained so much. I learned to be a better man. I learned how NOT to be a father. I took so much pain and took so much wisdom also. Im not happy for what I went through and yet I am. I thank my ex step dad for what he has done because I am the complete opposite of what he is. I am the person people who survived this abuse and became this person who will do great.


I never told anyone about the abuse I went through until I was about thirteen. My mom never had a clue of what happen. Thats how good at hiding it I was. Now my whole family knows what I went through. They wish I would have said something. I knew they probably would have killed him, but he is to good for that. I want him to live and when I become successful in life and he hears about it haha that will be the pay back. 

        

Teenagers and Gangs

This essay about why teenagers join gangs is a very good subject. I can described it better than anyone because I joined a gang at a young age . I am currently no longer active in the gang life and have a new perspective of life and how I want to live it.

My reasons for joining a gang may be different from others but this is my story and why I did what I did.

Well I was born June 5, 1993 here in Albuquerque New Mexico. I was born into a good loving family. Well life was awesome. My family lived here in the south valley and things could not be better. I had an awesome mother and father and 3 sisters and 1 brother and 2 step brothers. It was that kind of family you see in movies were you have family dinners and watched movies together and that stuff. Well things quickly changed after my mom married my dad. He would get mad for everything that happened and started punching walls scarying everyone in the house. After awhile he started hitting me and older brother. he didn’t hit us a lot and never hit us in the face but still I was only like fucking six. Anyway we never spoke a word about him abusing us because we knew he would do worse if we told on him. The images of him and his anger outbursts are tattooed on my mind forever. After too many calls to the police my mom had enough of him and his anger and filed for divorce.

After the divorce I didn’t see my dad as much as I wanted to because he always cancelled on me. He always said he would make it up to me and pick me up next weekend but that was always cancelled also. I was so mad at him for always blowing me off. I mean come on dude im like nine or ten I want my dad! I got really hurt from that. But I soon would find out something even worse that would spark my interest in joining a gang.

One day while my mom was talking to my dad on the phone about him coming and picking me up. I ran to the other room and picked up the other line to listen. What I heard next confused me. I heard my mom say, “you need to stop promising you will come pick him up!". That’s when my dad replied, why should I take care of something thats not mine!” My heart stopped! What did he mean by that!? I dropped the other phone and ran to my mom. By the time I got to her they had already ended the conversation. I told her I was listening and herd what he said. She looked surprised and told me she would tell me tomorrow. The rest of the day and that night I thought of all the possibilities of what he could have meant by that. Keep in mind I was only like nine so I didn’t really know what to think.  The next day I went to my mom and said, "tell me now!". She looked at me and told me, "Michael is not your real dad". He is actually your step dad but he came into your life when you were three and he wanted to be your dad". What the fuck!!??????? My mind went blank. This man I knew my whole life was not even really my dad. What a disappointment. That’s when things changed and I didn’t care about anything. I was lied to my whole life. And now who could I trust? My mom told me that my real dad was not a good person. He was into selling drugs and into gangs.

When I went back to school I didn’t care anymore. I was the biggest cowboy ever. When I went back to school there these kids who were going through the same problems I was going through. I thought that these kids are the ones I should be hanging out with. These kids were lil gangsters. I was in 3rd grade. Now a lot of people will say 3rd grade! Thats too young to be in a gang. Well it happens sorry to say. Soon after hanging with my new friends I started acknowledging that I was from that hood. Hood is slang for gang. Anyway to prove I was down for the hood I had to show respect for it. So at recess me and two other kids went on a mission and tagged up three bathrooms for the next week every day. One day we finally got caught and the sheriffs were called the school. I was so scared because my mom was a teacher at my school so punishment came as quick as I was caught. They were gunna take us to jail but since we were still babies all we had to do was clean it up. A slap on the wrist!

The next year was a lil crazier. I started fighting people at school. Im just gunna be honest right here. I lost most my fights just in case you were wondering. After this my mom sent me to a Christian school where things got a lot better for me for awhile. Then I left there and started up again with drama.

Anyway problems escalated over the years for awhile until my older brother knocked some sense into me. Literally. I finally realized that what my ex-stepdad did to us only made me and my family stronger. I realized getting into that gang shit was not worth it. I am a better person and will accomplish so much in my life. And from what happen to me I will be the best dad in the world. I promise that.

A lot of other things happened when I was rolling with that hood but this essay is not about my life just what made me turn to gangs. And why I did was disappointment and family issues. That’s it!!  Take care of your family and be there for them no matter what. Inside my head I was hurting but I never talked to anyone and thats why it happen . My family could not see my pain because I didn’t let it show. If I would have things would have been different. I never wanted that life but its over and im a new person.

Teen Suicide

Suicide is defined as the act of taking ones own life.

Why would anyone take their own life? I don’t understand it. When is life that bad when you must get out of it that bad?

Psychology of Bullying (1000 word essay)

The essay im gunna write about is the case of Jamie Nabozny who was bullied for being gay. Since Jamie was 7 he knew he was gay,but didnt come forward about his being gay until 7th grade. Thats when things started to go bad. Students from jamies classes started to call him names and soon words turned into actions. Jaime went to high school thinking things would be better and people would forget about him being gay. The exact opposite happened tho. The problem esculated and the bullies went to harshed actions and things got real phyisical. Jaimie ran away,tried commiting suicide and so many other ways out to try to stop the abuse ,because the schools administrators were not protecting him. After he had enough he was given the advice to file a lawsuit and take the people to court who did not stand up for Jamie. This does not just go for gays but for everyone getting bullied. No one should be abused for who they are even if people dont agree with that. All schools need to be a safe haven for kids and schools need to inforce these anti-bully rukes and take them seriously. 

Jamie Nabozny from age of seven knew he was gay. The only other person who knew this was his grandmother. Jaime was very secretive about his sexuality. When he was in 7th grade he became open about him being gay. Thats when the trouble started. Children at his school started teasing him and it soon became physical. They were tripping Jamie,hitting him and even throwing objects at him. Jamie was so stressed and afraid of being at school.

 One day Jamie went home and went to the bathroom and took alot of pills hoping he would fall asleep and never wake up. Once injesting the pills Jamie became scared and realized he didnt want to die and ran to his mother. His mother rushed Jamie to the hospital quickly were he got his stomache pumped. After that Jamie was checked into a psychiatric hospital. Later after leaving the pyschiatric hospital Jamie returned to his middle school in 8th grade. Things escolated even more and the bulling repeated.

High school. Jamie hoped people would forget about him being gay and just leave him alone and maby fit in this high school enviroment. Well Jamie soon found out he was wrong. The bullies didnt forget. One day while Jamie was using the urinal at school. A group of boys came into the restroom and saw jamie and the bulling started. The boys surrounded Jamie and pushed him into the urinal when another boy started to pee on Jamie. The abuse was on another level. Jamie started hiding with his books at school so that the bullies could not find him. Well one day Jamie didnt hide well enough and the boys found him. One boy approched Jamie and told him to fight him. Jamie told the boy that he would not fight him and he ignored the boys. The boy who wanted to fight him kicked the books Jamie had out of his hands. When jamie bent over to pick up his books the boy repeatlly kicked Jamie in his side. After the beating the boy bent down and whispered to Jamie,"If you tell anybody ill kill you"!.

 Frightened from the beating Jamie went home packed his things and ran away. He left a note for his mother explaining he was leaving and never coming back. His parents quickly packed and headed for the big city. They guessed Jamie would be there. Posting "missing" posters on every pole,bus stops and just every where they thought someone who was running away might be. Jamie came upon a shelter and later that day his parents called the shelter looking for him. A lady from the shelter told his parents that he was here and she told Jamie that his parents were going to come visit him. When his parents arrived there was alot of emotions. Jamie hugged his parents and was so happy to see them. His mother said if he came back that they would get him home schooling and he wouldnt have to go back to the high school. Soon after being home his parents told Jamie that they couldnt aford to pay for home schooling. So he returned to the high school. 

Jamie ran away again. This time he told his parents to let him stay out there or they would have to wait to see him until he turned 18. With his parents not having much of a choice they let him go. While he was out there it was advised to him that he should file a law suit against the school district. Jamie talked this over with his parents and confirmed that they would go and file the law suit. After the case was dismissed they didint give up and finally the case went to trail.One boy who bullied Jamie confessed all that he and the other boys had done. A parent of another bully also comfirmed she had benn contacted about her son bullying Jamie.  

Who Am I?????????????????

Who am I? Who is Gabriel Antonio Hernandez? I am a very fun person and love having fun sometimes too much fun. I dont look like it but im a very hyper person and I joke around alot. I like making people laugh and cheering people up. I put others first and then worry about myself. I am very caring and I very good listener and I give alot of good advice to people when they have bad problems ,just because I havent had the best life so I have alot of wisdom when it comes to helping others out in there life problems. I like to try and explore knew things like travel and try other cultures food and stuff. I am a very outdoors person. I love camping,hiking,hunting,fishing and anything else that has to do with being outdoors. Everyone I first meet think im some badass or something but thats the aperence I have because of the life I used to have. I trusted alot of people with everything and they fu**** me over so thats why I at first glance I try to be someting else just because I dont want to people to think that they can step all over me. Even though I have no problem knocking someone out and getting arrested to make my point, but im just better than that so I turn the other way and not even waste my time because im on another level. 

All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.

Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists. Masterminds are certain that efficiency is indispensable in a well-run organization, and if they encounter inefficiency-any waste of human and material resources-they are quick to realign operations and reassign personnel. Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency

In their careers, Masterminds usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are dedicated in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither their own time and effort nor that of their colleagues and employees. Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out. Ordinarily, they verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past.

Masterminds tend to be much more definite and self-confident than other Rationals, having usually developed a very strong will. Decisions come easily to them; in fact, they can hardly rest until they have things settled and decided. But before they decide anything, they must do the research. Masterminds are highly theoretical, but they insist on looking at all available data before they embrace an idea, and they are suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality.

Alan Greenspan, Ben Bernanke, Dwight D. Eisenhower, General Ulysses S. Grant, Frideriche Nietzsche, Niels Bohr, Peter the Great, Stephen Hawking, John Maynard Keynes, Lise Meitner, Ayn Rand and Sir Isaac Newton are examples of Rational Masterminds.

my test

You are:

• slightly expressed introvert
• slightly expressed intuitive personality
• slightly expressed thinking personality
• slightly expressed judging personality