Stop the Abuse

The voices of my ex step-dad are still tattooed in my memory. So much anger this man had. Only a few times was I physically abused. The pain of his fist went away, but the pain of his words. Those I’m still recovering from after all these years.

As a victim of child abuse this essay will let you into the mind of my past and how I dealt and currently dealing with the long term effects of child mental abuse.

I want to start of with saying that NO child deserves ANY type of abuse under any circumstance. I’ve been there and lived it. It fucks your mind up. My abuse was not to the highest degree but abuse is abuse there is no in between. There is a difference between punishing your child and knocking them around. Spanking your child is different than punching your child!

My step dad was a very angry man. I think it started when his mother died. He became this man that people didn’t want to be around. He would get mad for the littlest things. If he spilled his coke on the counter or something stupid it was like everything was a big deal. Worst of all he would take it out on us. The whole family would get bitched at for nothing. He was punching holes in walls and scaring the shit out of everyone. Who was this man? Once a loving, funny person and all of a sudden became possessed with anger and hate. Things only got worse when my mother devorced him.

I would still go with my step dad on the weekends and when ever I could after the devorce happened. He was drinking a lot but tried to keep it a secret. He wasn’t very good at hiding it though. One day I saw him drinking a coke and I had asked him if I could have a drink. He told me to get my own from the refrigerator. I told him that I didn’t want a whole can just a drink. He replied, “What did I just tell you get your own!”. In my mind I was like “Jerk I just want a god dam drink!’ I just kept that thought to myself though.

When my dad turned around to answer the phone I quickly without him seeing grabbed his coke and took a big gulp. I almost threw up! My throat was on fire! What the fuck is this? I never tasted coke like this before. I then soon realized he had poured Crown Royal in the coke. Oooooh that’s why you wanted me to get my own coke. My bad.

Now that my step dad was drinking all the time and he knew I knew he was drinking. He was always at the bar now. I was home alone all the time now. The F word became his weapon of choice and he knew how to use it. He once told me " you remind me of your mother and I hate your mother!' Those words shot me at point blank. I could not stop crying for hours. Why do I deserve to be treated like this? There were many more times he put me down and made me cry but for some reason I just cant write them down. They are locked inside my head and thats were they will stay. Im not a person who expresses themselves and my feelings. I am very good at hiding them. Everyday it was get drunk then tell Gabe off and make him cry. No one knew the verbal abuse I was going through. When I was around other people I was different. You could not tell when I had been crying. It was like it never happened. I never told anyone because I was afraid he would hit me. The few times he did hit me were the scariest moments of my life. Not that pain hurt because it did but the face he made when he was coming at me. That made me hurt. It was like he was full of evil and hate and he unleashed it on me with this look. If looks could kill. Well then I would have dropped dead along time ago and would not be writing this.


Those were the worst years of my life, but for some reason the best. I don't know if that makes sense but it does. I lost so much but also gained so much. I learned to be a better man. I learned how NOT to be a father. I took so much pain and took so much wisdom also. Im not happy for what I went through and yet I am. I thank my ex step dad for what he has done because I am the complete opposite of what he is. I am the person people who survived this abuse and became this person who will do great.


I never told anyone about the abuse I went through until I was about thirteen. My mom never had a clue of what happen. Thats how good at hiding it I was. Now my whole family knows what I went through. They wish I would have said something. I knew they probably would have killed him, but he is to good for that. I want him to live and when I become successful in life and he hears about it haha that will be the pay back.